‘All Spiders Must Die’ by Tighe Cottle

Sometimes, I like to post things here friends have said or written. Tighe Cottle is a friend I went to school with from fifth grade to high school. I remember in high school he used to write poetry. His was an interesting style: while many of us (myself included) prefer ballpoint pen on paper, Tighe (pronounced “Ty”) often wrote with felt-tip pen on paper. He works in the oil industry now and does well for himself, but often I think if he had the time and wanted to, he could probably have a decent second career as a poet.

As a young boy, Tighe was bit by a black widow. This has instilled in him a lifelong fear, hatred, abhorrence for all things arachnid. I suspect the scariest movie ever for him would be Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks.

When I mentioned seeing a spider today and letting it loose outside after seeing it wasn’t a black widow and probably not a brown recluse (spiders control the annoying insect population, so I prefer not to kill them them unless they’re highly venomous), Tighe had this to say:

All Spiders Must Die

By Tighe Cottle

All spiders must die.              

And by die, i mean in a fiery pit of hellfire and brimstone

Or ejected into the vast vacuum of space

And/or thru a thousand black holes.

Also, they should be drowned in the deepest depths of the ocean

Or squashed under the feet of giant dinosaurs

That have been genetically re-engineered

For the sole purpose of squashing spiders.


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